How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
