my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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