im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
