I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
