pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
