I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
