HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
