Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
