I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
