Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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