she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
