you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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