new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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