It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
