what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
