My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
