Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
