He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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