i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
