Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
