i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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