I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
