Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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