Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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