Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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