It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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