I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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