Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need a beard to bite.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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