Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
