just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
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