wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
