i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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