Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
people are starting to question the shark bite story
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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