So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
