90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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