YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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