Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
