Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
