she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
