We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
two words...techno handjob
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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