Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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