Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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