oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
