1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
