hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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