I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
