we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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