it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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