I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
