I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
