I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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